This is the most important post in my paradigm shift series.
It finally dawned on me that the person who needs to be “guiding me” in this process of rehabilitation is Nathan himself. Of course he can’t talk. Of course he’s a child and children don’t usually pick what’s best for them – they pick what they want to do given their level of maturity.
However, I realized that I can observe Nathan and see what motivates him, what bores him, what he does and doesn’t enjoy, etc. Then I can build on that and deliver a rehabilitation plan that he can enjoy while being motivated.
I spent a lot of time trying to put myself in his shoes and to view the world from his point of view. And this gave me so much insight. If I were a 2.5 year old, I would be bored out of my mind if I had to spend all day going from therapy to therapy, from one adult to another! I would be bored out of my mind if I was forced to lie down on my back and have someone “pumping” on me for 3 hours a day! Now I know MANY kids enjoy this, but Nathan is my son, and despite his inability to move himself, he has the patience of a mosquito and prefers being moved, stimulation, different activities, etc. So it’s just not for him.
Also, I spent a lot of time in meditation reflecting over my observations of how he perceives himself and his life. And what I noticed is that he thinks of himself as being perfectly okay. In fact he thinks of himself as being some superhero, the center of so many people’s universe. He doesn’t view himself as being broken and needing to be fixed. He views himself as being perfectly okay. In fact, in one of my meditations, I realized that he gets through a lot of his therapies and things not for himself, but for me!
Again, this is avery tough thing to understand if you look at him from a worldly perception. How can someone so externally damaged think of himself as being perfect? How can someone who can’t do anything for himself, who can’t even hold up his own head, enjoy his life and not be motivated to change his situation. The best analogy I can come up with is a comparison to someone like Britney Spears and someone who barely gets by financially but who is incredibly happy because she feels wealthy inside. Britney may have all the wealth in the world but obviously she’s not a happy person. She seems to have so much but inside she has so little. Our other person is the opposite. She may not have money to buy new clothes or even money to buy meat every day, but she has a family that loves her, has peace in her heart, and thus she feels like the luckiest person on earth. I think this comparison applies to Nathan. He may not be able-bodied, but his soul is so pure and his heart so happy that I think he sees of himself as being one of the lucky ones. Why shouldn’t I follow his lead and view him in the same way that he views himself?
How do I know this is how he views himself, you might ask?
I know by the happiness that radiates from his soul. I know by the way he behaves when he is with his father, who never asks anything of him. I know by the way he looks and feels when he wakes up in the morning and coos and babbles and giggles away. He is deeply happy and content in himself. This may sound strange (but so have all of these posts) but I also know because he told me in one of my meditations. I prayed for a very long time for a connection and to know how he feels deep in my heart – and God answered, because I heard his sweet voice in my heart saying, Mommy I’m okay. I don’t need your help.
Finally, when I follow Nathan’s lead, I notice that he LOVES going to his Waldorf preschool, he loves playing in the pool, he loves getting together with his little friends, he LOVES going out with his dad and roaming the town, he loves Disney and Universal, he enjoys reading books and coloring and playing with musical instruments, he loves swinging and he loves the carousel, he loves going to the park and he loves bubbles and playing with toys that make sounds, he loves music, especially the sesame street CD, and he loves taking baths with mommy. When he is in these settings Nathan has a much easier time holding up his head, trying to hold up his trunk, trying to move his hands and to grasp things.
So I finally decided, why not use things that motivate him to help strengthen his body?
We’re going to Catalina Island tommorrow for my birthday so I am going to take a couple of days off the blog, but I’ll finish this Paradigm Shift Series early next week.
Hope everyone has a wonderful Easter!
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