My voice mail has been full for the last few days. Filled to capacity. I’ve heard it about 55 times this week – did you know your voice mail is full?
Yes, I know my voice mail is full. It’s as full as my brain. It’s as tired as my body. [...]

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…for a stronger back, not a lighter load.
I saw that on a church billboard, and how it struck me.
So very very true.
We tend to ask God for life to be easy peasy and everything nice and rosy.
But I find that growth often comes from challenges.
And, most importantly, with an open heart and a faithful [...]

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Do you see it?

But do you see it?

Can you see it now?

Yes, our little Belle is growing up! She got her ears pierced today!

Cybell couldn’t miss out on the jewelry fun, could she…

And while Belle grows and gets her bling bling, we all continue to have the blastest of blasts. We’ve been [...]

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Here are some videos:

And here are some fun tidbits:
* Yesterday I left the door to the minivan WIDE open after we went into session. With. my. purse. ipad. camera. inside.
* This morning I drove out of therapy and a couple of blocks later I hear a loud THUD. There, sitting on [...]

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The other day I jumped out of my desk chair to get to a screaming Belle, got tangled up in cables, and accidentally tossed the external backup drive to the floor. Subsequently it wouldn’t start up. I took it to the computer repair store and the diagnosis: broken beyond repair. The guy [...]

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I am beautiful. I am strong. I am loving. I am loved. I am lovable. I am powerful. I am faithful.
And so are you.
You are who you think you are. So why not think of yourself as you want to be?

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If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last 4 years is the need to “keep it real”.
As much as I love the Anat Baniel Method, I just don’t feel that I would be providing Nathan with a substantial benefit by stopping everything and travelling to Northern California 3 times in 3 months. [...]

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Today we had our monthly appointment with Dr. Kenny. Every time I go to her office, I draw a little stone tablet with a carving (a rune) from a little bag. There are 25 of them, and each one symbolizes something. There is a book that explains each of the runes. [...]

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Sometimes it’s easy to forget why we live in LA. Today we remembered.
We spent the day at the Santa Monica beach with one of my best friends who flew from New York to meet Belle. We had a GREAT time! Nathan is 95% healed – other than a wet cough [...]

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It’s called “Hold your kids tight and squeeze them with love while swinging in the hammock” therapy.

And my other favorite new therapy…it’s called
“Dress up, watch, and play with your baby until your heart bursts with joy” therapy:

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From Collages

I remember the day Nathan was born. There was so much uncertainty about his life, about his future, about everything revolving Nathan. But there was no uncertainty in your heart. He was your boy. Yours to love and enjoy. Your little buddy. That first night while I lay [...]

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I would pray my heart out all over again, and ask everyone to pray
I believe Nathan’s life and health is because of the outpouring of prayers he received after the pre-natal diagnosis. Those 4 weeks of prayers changed everything for him! He was diagnosed at 36 weeks gestation because he had stopped moving [...]

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* Spend a few days at the beach
* Go for a midnight swim in our pool
* Have a real “girls night out” with friends
* Spend an entire day in bed
* Read a couple of novels (it’s been a while since I’ve read a book)
* Run barefoot in the rain [...]

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This week I’ve been out of ideas of what to write. I’ve wanted to write something interesting but nothing comes to mind. Everything I want to write – cord blood banking, rolling, plus a few more… require research and time to write. And time is something I just don’t have. The [...]

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Another insightful gift from EnjoyParenting.com
:: Life Is Messy… Get Over It! ::
In man’s quest to conquer nature, our culture has
developed an unhealthy aversion to the natural
messiness of life.
Heaven forbid you should eat an apple that isn’t nice
and round and free of bug bites. Those get made into
applesauce so we never have to see their messiness!
And [...]

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Because here comes Nathan!
Nathan, Owen, and nanny mcMary are heading to Montreal tomorrow for a cuevas medek intensive therapy session. They will be there for one week.
Belle and I are planning to spoil ourselves all week. We have joint massages scheduled and a joint manicure and pedicure. On Wednesday we’re gonna take my [...]

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…the miracle that we wait and pray for is not for our children to be healed externally, but for us to find peace and healing internally?
What if God/Buddha/Allah gave them to us so we can learn unconditional love, acceptance, patience, compassion?
What if we are missing out on our miracle by focusing on changing/improving [...]

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I think this is so true!
:: Worry Less, Love More ::
Perhaps you’ve been led to believe that worrying
about children goes hand in hand with loving them.
But in truth, parental love is far more powerful
*without* worry than with it.
Worries focus all your attention on what you *don’t*
want and put you in a state of *fear*. This [...]

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You would think that the hardest thing about having a child with cerebral palsy is their lack of mobility..or the fact they can’t speak or walk or move..or the fact that you have to carry them around everywhere…or the fact they require so much work – surgeries, appointments, therapies.
In my opinion, the hardest part of [...]

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Sometimes I wonder if you’all think I’m bipolar or schizophrenic or something like that…because one day I feel total peace, the next I’m a nervous wreck, the next I feel perfect acceptance for Nathan and his situation, the next I am on a plane to BoraBora for a new miracle treatment
The thing is…this [...]

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After I decided to stop blogging, I realized it was a huge mistake.  Not only is this therapeutic for me and a great tool to keep my friends and family informed about our adventures. This blog has also led me to some of the best friendships and some very amazing, incredible people.  I sat down [...]

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1:32 am – feed Belle & change diaper
2:45 am – feed Belle & change diaper
3 am – walk and pat Belle to sleep
5 :15 am – feed Belle & change diaper
6:33 am – wake up Owen to tell him Nathan is awake (so he can get him ready for school and put him on the [...]

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…was a hard day. I’m tired beyond words. 1.5 months of very little sleep and on-demand feeding and nurturing is really wearing me out. I’ve had a terrible eye infection for a week now, and awful migraines. Today’s migraine was awful. I’m worn out.
Nathan has been a whiney mess lately. [...]

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Today Belle is 1 month old. Today is the day I say, “bye for now” to all of you who regularly visit this blog.
Why? you may be wondering. The answer is simple. And complicated.
When Nathan was born it was all doom and gloom. He cried all day. It was hard. [...]

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* I just came back from Nathan’s room. I put him down to nap, on his belly, the way he has slept since he was little. 30 min’s later I heard him crying so I rushed to his room. Guess where I found him – on his back! He hasn’t rolled [...]

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To all of my mommy friends and readers – Happy Mother’s Day! I can honestly say you are all amazing women. My wish for all of you on this mother’s day is that you give yourself the gift of “ME” time this year. You deserve it!
I am inspired by the [...]

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I absolutely LOVE this post from Red Haired Mama (thanks Katy for the link!!)
The difference between you and me
I can’t agree more with what she says!
OK back to newborn land, bye for now!

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Today Belle is 11 days old. She is alseep on my chest in the ergo baby with the infant insert. I love hearing her breathing softly and feeling the warm baby breath against my heart. I love that I can move around with her tightly cuddled against me.
Talking about moving around. [...]

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I know some people think we’re crazy for doing all we do with Nathan. Some people think we’re chasing a dream and we should just accept reality and stop running around doing therapies. They think some of the stuff we do is nuts and why can’t we just follow convention.
The [...]

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My vision board ritual started early last year, when my friend Farnaz invited me to her house to work on a vision board. We had a lovely time working on it and I brought it home and hung it in front of my computer.
Early this year, when I returned home from Chile, I [...]

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This was life-changing for me when I saw it, I wanted to share it with you too:

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I’ve been super tired the last couple of days, so I’m going to take a break from the computer and writing on the blog and curl up with a book. I think the whole “last month of pregnancy” is getting to me and I’m exhausted!
Bye for now!

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No, I am not writing a story about Will & The Head. I am talking about my arch-nemesis – The Head. Nathan’s head, that is. And his lack of control over it. I am really grateful for everyone’s support and advice the other day, when I posted about what comes..after [...]

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* I forgot to mention in my previous post- got the results of my bloodwork – no diabetes! I think the 2 bagels with cream cheese that I ate right before my glucose test didn’t help Fortunately everything is okay.
* I have put on 30 POUNDS since I started [...]

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…inevitably comes the low.
Today was just one of those days. I had been cruising on a nice high valley for a while, and had forgotten that awful nagging pain that comes with raising a child with intense special needs.
I took Nathan to see his cousins and since last time he seemed desperate to play [...]

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I found this article today and wanted to share it. It should be in our Special Needs Mommies 101 course (if there was one !
Self Care: It’s not a Frill
I haven’t read the book yet but am going to get it for sure!

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I was taking the dogs for a walk last night at the park and just reflecting on the day. I love being out late at night with the dogs under the stars and moon – it’s my favorite time to go for a walk, the open skies take me “out of myself” and I [...]

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Really powerful story, I highly recommend listening to it. Thanks Lisa!

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There are days when I just can’t sleep. My brain is searching for something. The answer/vision is almost tangible, yet so elusive. I reach out…but nothing’s there.
I feel I am missing something. I have all of the pieces of the puzzle…but they are all still pieces, separate and disjointed, there is [...]

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Lucas the destroyer.

From Random

Weight: 150 lbs.
Height: 6′2
Personality: Loves to cuddle, eat trash, destroy new beautiful furniture, and take over your bed at night.
Any takers? Saddle included.

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Tonight I watched My Sister’s Keeper. I bawled and bawled. The storyline itself was really sad, but of course it hit really close to home. Especially the character of the mother. It made me think a lot.
Before Nathan was born and I got the diagnosis, I decided he wouldn’t die. [...]

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For those of you who haven’t seen Kung Fu Panda about 350 times like Nathan and I have, you wouldn’t recognize the title…It happens at the very beginning, when Panda is dreaming, and he defeats a host of bandits, he casually mentions to his adoring fans – there’s no charge for awesomeness…or attractiveness.

This is one [...]

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Someone said these words to me today. At first I found myself blubbering about how wonderful Nathan is and everything I’ve learned through him. I was trying to justify why my life is so wonderful. Sure sure she said. Humoring me. Deep down she felt she knew “the truth”, no [...]

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I’m going to quote from Amy’s blog:

Today, Melanie over at Better Than Normal posted “Everything Out On The Table”. She’s overwhelmed, depressed, and coming to the realization that she’s “not the super mom she wanted to be.”
Last week Katy over at Bird On The Street posted [...]

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My brain’s a bit rambunctious today. I have a whole bunch of stuff I want to talk about and I just don’t know what to pick. So I’m going to say a bit of everything.
* I got caught playing the “doctor switcharoo” game. I’ve been trying to find a good OB [...]

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If I thought of who I was 4 years ago, I never ever ever ever would’ve guessed I’d be who I am today.
4 years ago I couldn’t find the vegetable aisle at the supermarket if my life depended on it. I thought a great meal was finding dollar frozen meals at the supermarket. [...]

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Many of you who follow this blog have at one time or another commented or emailed me directly.  If so, you know I do my best to email back and reply to comments via email (I don’t like to reply to comments on the actual thread because I think people generally don’t come back to [...]

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I read this blog post today and it completely captured what I felt about Belle.
It was really beautiful and I think relevant not just to SN kids but life in general.
All of life is fragile and uncertain

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Today we went to the movies and watched Extraordinary Measures.  I was already sobbing after the first few scenes.  I thought it was a really powerful story.  They really captured the essence of living with a child with disabilities.  I won’t say much because I hope everyone watches it.  It was a great movie.
I didn’t [...]

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From Random

My mom gave me this ornament when we were decorating the nursery for Nathan.  I was around 7 months pregnant with him.
I have looked at this little ornament hanging on the wall next to Nathan’s bed thousands of times.
But it’s only now, today, that I really understand its meaning.
Many of you have watched as [...]

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