I just finished watching an episode of House (I know I know I’m addicted) in which a pregnant mother refuses to terminate the pregnancy to save her life. She risks her life so the doctors can try to save her baby’s life. She knew that if the baby was terminated, she would live and have [...]

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We got our camera back. It had broken. So now I can go back to posting pics and videos of the little munchies. Here is my new favorite video: And some pictures: And now for some thoughts. I spoke extensively with the people at UnlimitedBrain.com today. Their program seems amazing. Ever since I read about [...]

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I thought this was really sweet and properly portrayed some of the stuff we go through! Special Needs, Special Love Hal Runkel, LMFT During college, it was commonplace for me to enter into philosophical conversations about the nature of things. What is truth? What is beauty? What is love? That last question was always a [...]

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I was talking to a good friend the other night, the mother of a gorgeous girl with holoprosencephaly, and she mentioned that making decisions and caring for her daughter sometimes feels like playing Russian Roulette. You feel you have a small window of time to help your child, and that within that window of time, [...]

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Last night I had a dream. There was a voice in my head, just a disembodied voice that said, give him time, the dendrites need time to grow. And then I saw an image of like branches sprouting from a tree, and they were growing. Then the voice said, for most people they grow faster. [...]

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On Saturday I thought I would burst with pride. Nathan’s hippotherapy center had their annual banquet/fundraiser, and Nathan was picked as one of the 5 riders to do a demonstration. They work with over 100 kids but they chose Nathan to represent the ranch! I can’t begin to describe how proud of him I felt. [...]

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Awake butterfly. It’s late. We’ve miles to go before we sleep. And miles to go before we sleep. Is it possible that a child can call you to him even 10 years before his birth? Today I understand. I’ve journeyed to Oz and back. I’ve got everything I need in my own backyard. But today [...]

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Have you guys seen the TV series 4400? In the show, one of the guys, Sean, has miraculous healing powers, and can cure anyone with any disease simply by touching them with his hands. Owen and I have always laughed when we see that, and thought, if only that were possible. Recently someone I really [...]

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I am sorry it’s been such a long time. Like Dorothy I’ve been on a journey down the yellow brick road of my own personal oz. Like Dorothy I’ve come to realize, “there’s no place like home.” To explain this, I have to back up to the beginning of this journey, the beginning of this [...]

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The little man was so tired after the end of his 2nd week at NAPA that he passed out at 8pm. I am so proud of him for how hard he is working. He has tolerated 4 hours of therapy every day for the past 2 weeks with little complaints. So how is he doing, [...]

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I watched The Secret again tonight. Once again, it reminded me of so many things. Particularly, I remembered this: 1. Ask 2. Believe 3. Accept These were said to be powerful methods for change. Once we know what we want, we have to ask for it. A powerful method of asking is visualizing. Then, once [...]

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I am exhausted and slightly traumatized. Nathan screams and screams during the patterning. He is becoming less effective on the incline plane, and gets mad the moment his belly touches the floor. Am I traumatizing him? Am I hurting him? My arms hurt from trying to overpower him during the patterning. My soul hurts from [...]

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I’ve been reading a lot about brain development and plasticy – it’s such a COOL topic! One of the topics that really picqued my interest is brain mapping. Apparently, the brain is divided into tons of brian maps, with geographic divisions for different parts of the body. Image the brain as a map of the [...]

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I’ve been feeling so hopeful and happy that I can almost see Nathan running around our house. Generally I have this capacity to visualize things, and sometimes I forget to relate to the reality and instead I relate to the image in my head – the expectation. I have been on such a high after [...]

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I never thought that acceptance and hope could coexist. I certainly felt the same way about acceptance and peace. How could I accept that my son might never learn to walk or talk, and be happy? A couple of days into our trip, I finally felt a deep deep level of acceptance. For the very [...]

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With every passing day I feel more clarity. I understand my role as nathan’s mother. The first glimmer of clarity came when a friend mentioned, sometimes we have to face reality in order to understand that we do not have control over others, that we can’t change them, that we can only change ourselves. Intellectually, [...]

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As we near Dorje’s birthday I find myself immersed in memories. Moments fly in and out of my mind’s eye and I feel feel feel…pain, joy, fear and more fear, worry, extreme joy, love such as I’ve never before experienced, and never thought I could. “It’s not his growth that’s the problem. It’s his brain.” [...]

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Well it’s almost midnight and Nathan is spending the night with grandma. I should’ve been sleeping hours ago but it’s hard to wind down. When Nathan is not here there is a big void in the house and in my heart. This started me thinking about all of the parents that have dealt with losing [...]

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One of my greatest conflicts is worrying over Nathan’s future. Will he walk? Will he talk? The chances are slim, I know that. But should I give up hope? Should I give up the wish that maybe one day he will? It seems that accepting this would be defeatist, it would mean giving up hope. [...]

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Today Nathan went to the doctor and he was cleared of his ear infection. Also, we were told that he is in the 16th percentile in weight, 67th percentile in height, and 50th percentile in head circumference. So all is good! Here’s a cute photo in his baseball outfit: We saw a new doctor at [...]

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Nathan continues to do well. He had his 6 month immunizations today so that made him a bit uncomfortable, but in general, he’s okay. We are pretty sure the problem was with the medication for GERD. So, so far so good. Today someone said to me they felt really sorry for Nathan’s condition. It took [...]

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I added a new blog category called “A Mom’s Experience”. My experience as Nathan’s mom has been very profound and rewarding. I have learned so much in just a few short months. I wanted to add this category so I can also share some of my thoughts and feelings. It won’t be accessible through the [...]

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