If you had asked me when I was a little girl what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer would’ve been simple: A mommy. My favorite toy growing up was a pair of twin dolls that I was absolutely in love with. In my heart I always knew I’d be a mommy. However, I wanted to have 2 children. No more, no less.
Then Nathan was born with all his perfect imperfections and I wasn’t sure that I wanted more kids. After 3 years, I was ready to move on past his disability and focus on us as a family, not a couple caring for a disabled child.
By the time I was pregnant with Izzy I knew I couldn’t stop at 2. I wanted Izzy to have a friend to play with. I didn’t want Izzy alone caring for Nathan if something happened to us. I wanted at least 2 playmates to hang out with and support Nathan. I wanted them to support each other.
Now, with Izzy and Gryffin, I feel complete. The circle is closed. I know Nathan will have not just one but two people to care for him. They will care for each other.
During my c-section with Gryffin I had a tubal ligation. No more babies. My family is complete.
People often ask me if I was afraid to have more children after Nathan’s diagnosis. The answer is yes. Nathan’s problem is genetic so I feared that it would happen again. But I am so glad that I was brave and had the guts to have more kids. I can’t imagine my life without these 3.
I have many friends who struggle to conceive. It hurts to see them struggle as I know what a blessing each child is. I wish I could have children for everyone. It’s such a painful thing to struggle with. I wish there were easy answers for them. I sometimes feel guilty that I unplugged myself because of it.
For me, 3 kids is perfect. Watching as Gryffin wakes up a little more every day, watching him starting to play with Isabelle, watching her getting down to his level to interact with him, watching her trying to feed him and give him a tete (bottle) and change his diaper fills me with joy.
We are complete. And I am oh so grateful.