I watched “The Secret” again the other day and I loved remembering that our thoughts create our reality. I’ve been in such a funk lately, it was great to remember that I can change my experience of life simply by changing my thoughts. So this whole week I have gone to bed thinking, “I am healthy, I am happy, I am free, I have everything”. I wake up and repeat this litany, I remind myself when my thoughts are spiraling out of control, when I am caught in a nebulous fog of doom. Perhaps it’s a mid-life crisis? Can those happen so early? Is motherhood entirely about self-sacrifice, or can we preserve our identity and still give the best we can to our families? I feel as if the last few years have been about taking care of everyone around me, and there is so little left of ME.

Am I the only one who dreams about disappearing to an island, just for a few days? All alone? I’ve been playing on Travelocity’s “Last Minute” feature and am so so close to just booking something and disappearing for a few days. Oh I want I want I want. Anyone want to hang out?

We are out of crisis mode with Nathan, he is definitely improving, but still experiencing a lot of pain, I am having such a hard time dealing with the whining, I feel like a terrible mom, but the constant whining puts me on edge, it makes me feel useless, helpless, my child is in pain and I can’t do anything to help him, I don’t even know why he’s whining, uuggghhhh. Today he had more acupuncture and another Rolfing massage.

I’m turning 31 in just a few days. I wonder if that’s what’s driving me a bit bonkers? Another year, another child, more aspirations as I watch the years slip by.

Today I read two posts I loved. I wish I could be in the same mind-set as these lovely ladies. They both look beyond the mundane and see miracles everywhere.

Appreciation. Tara is one of my favorite people, I love her attitude and the way she transforms everything.

Let’s Talk Miracles

Or maybe it’s all just the pregnancy hormones?


  1. Sally Fraley says

    coming down off adrenaline always makes me edgy….adrenaline+ pregnant+life= feeling eh…with the added bliss of gastro-disturbances…

    your role is changing- give yourself space to enjoy that–and for a short time- yes- I poured my entire self into my kids-good or bad- and now they are adults and I feel a bit lost–but I wouldn’t change most of the things I temporarily gave up–I think, though, I would have picked one thing for myself, made an appointment with myself for 2hrs a few times a week no kids no spouse and went to an art class or something….

  2. Eugenia says

    Marcela, I am happy to hear that Nathan getting back to himself. Many times the whinning is not just complaining but a way of them talking.

    Marcela, I like “The Power by Rhonda Byrne” better than “The Secret”. I have it in the iPod and I love to listen to it.


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